Filipino families are complicated.
Unlike those of the western cultures where they can leave (if they choose to) their nests upon reaching 21 years old, do whatever they want. Ours on the other hand, as long our beloved parents walk this earth, “we be they bitches” until further notice.
I make it sound so unbearable.
Let me clarify so I wouldn’t sound like an ingrate.
I am now 22 years old. I am an adult who should be able to make her own decisions… deal with the consequence… the whole shebang.
As every working Filipino, I am obliged (though my parents say I’m not when truly I am) to help my family. I don’t mind at all and I’m happy to help. I promised them I would.
Mom says I can spend my money however I want because I earned it. Though with that signature Filipino Mom guilt-enducing voice.
Now what I want is to spend the rest of my money however I want.
I buy 3 pairs of shoes, she doesn’t bug me.
I buy a 100 SR face powder, she doesn’t mind.
I try to send a few bucks to Aladdin and BAM! Mom gives me the Eyebrow Lift of Shame.
In most cultures, the man is supposed to be the provider. I get that. So the thought of me sending money to my boyfriend (Mom’s extra emphasis on not-your-husband) is utterly unacceptable.
I totally understand. But its not like I’m obliging myself to send him money on a regular basis. I just send some if I have a few extra bucks. If I knew he didn’t desperately needed it (which he does), I wouldn’t bother myself and spend it on a new pair of pumps.
He doesn’t even ask for it. I just want to do it. I want to feel that I have the freedom to do as I choose. Whenever we get into this issue, Mom makes me feel like I’m a lovesick Sugar Mommy. And I hate it.
I have the means to help someone who matters to me a lot. But a cultural norm is making it so difficult. Just because I’m a woman. A woman is the receiver. Blah blah blah.
A man can go all sugar daddy on a girl and no one bats an eye. But when a woman does it, Moms be like
I know that my mom is just concerned and wants what’s best for me. She thinks that I might spoil Aladdin and turn him into those men who prefer to sit at home while the wife does all the hard work. That I’m buying Aladdin’s love.
If Aladdin had even the slightest potential to be like those men, believe me, I would know.
I really wish Mom would trust me… trust that my womanly instincts are still working.
If men can be providers and not be judged… so can women (Feminism, YEAH!). So please Mom, have a little faith in your daughter. And no, I won’t actually be his provider till I die. We will provide for each other when we get there.
And you, Papa, and Khea will always… ALWAYS… be my first priority.
I just want you to trust my decisions a little bit more.