It has been MONTHS… since my last blog. I am ashamed.
Now, I have a good reason to keep blogging. And that is to keep my head straight. Why? Well, two weeks ago, I left good old Iloilo for Manila. I am on my way to my old hometown, Jeddah, K.S.A. in three days. It’s only been two weeks, and I’m already feeling the pressure of a long distance relationship (LDR).
I feel soooo guilty that I don’t miss my boyfriend as MUCH as I should. I love him, truly… and I know he loves me. Three years we’ve been together, almost everyday. This is the first time we’ve had some distance, and its scaring me a little bit that I’m kind of liking being alone for a bit. Is that bad? Oh God, IS IT?!
I ask myself… “Do you love your boyfriend?” And I automatically answer “YES, of course.”
“Do you see yourself having a future with him?” … yes, I do. I even see three or four kids in the picture… makes my heart go all warm and fuzzy.
So… that means, I really am in love with him, right?
When I was back in Iloilo with him, I go crazy for him! Not a minute goes by that we don’t talk or text.
But now that we’re apart, I’m a little scared that I’m OK not talking to him 24/7? I am so scared that when I get to Jeddah, that my “tolerance” of non-communication will worsen.
And to make matters worse, I’m starting to notice other men. Though now I don’t act on my impulses, I’m afraid that the time will come that I will lose control.
I love my boyfriend… he is one of the most loving and kindhearted people on this planet. If I lose control, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. I fear that I might be too weak for something like this.