I can really be a bi**h sometimes. Most times, actually. I rant, I complain, be bitter on a lot of things. You’d think I was this person who is so tough and doesn’t give a shi*. You’d be wrong. I’m just plain bitter. I got kicked out of my university’s Publication Staff due three months ago due to “irreconcilable differences.” I was the Staff Photographer, and I was happy.
Unfortunately, the time came where I had to go through my OJT (On-the-Job Training) which was a requirement I had to pass. It took most… all… of my time, that I wasn’t able to fulfill my responsibilities as a staff member of the publications. I have to admit, I didn’t push myself hard enough to juggle the two and purposely made my OJT a higher priority than the other (it deserved to be since I won’t be able to graduate without it).
I wasn’t the only photographer, I asked one our Photographer apprentices if he could take over some of my shoots, he agreed, I thought that was it. Unfortunately, my Editor-in-Chief wasn’t too happy with that and discreetly took care of my termination and didn’t even bother to give me the 3 warnings necessary (according the Publication’s Constitution) before termination. My EIC found it as an opportunity to dismiss me, dishonorably. I was sure, still am, that my dismissal came from more personal reasons rather than my inability to be a full-on photographer at the Pub.
I decided to quit the Pub, because I knew it deserved someone better than me. I wanted to say my goodbyes properly, it could have saved my relationship with my EIC. But, the termination came too soon. I still remember that day, I keep replaying it in my head. It was ugly, there was shouting and swearing, and crying… all of the tears came from me (ARGH!). Things got worse when my “boss” had a “back-up” in his arguments. You know the type, the kind who sucks up to the boss and poses as the BFF, kind of like an annoying echo. The “conversation” was between my EIC and I, the BFF had to butt in… things got uglier.
Yes, I was stubborn and sometimes a little insubordinate. I sometimes don’t listen and purposely ignore his words. But I always had respect for him, the way he took care of the Pub that I loved ever since I joined it. He was, in his own way, brilliant and talented. It’s just the attitude, his clashes mine. And that’s where our faults resulted in the end of our so-called friendship. I regret what happened. I wish it didn’t. I hope, that he wishes it didn’t happen too.
I don’t think I will apologize… not the first one (There’s that stubbornness!) . I mean, no warning came before my termination. I know I deserved that at least. I don’t need him to get down on his knees cry, maybe just a simple “Sorry about what happened” or admitting that I deserved those warnings.
He wasn’t just my EIC, he was also a friend. A friend with whom I share the same devotion to our Pub.
My door isn’t shut all the way, it’s just waiting. I hope he knows that.